Sometime last year my husband and I decided to make a change in our birth control. We spent time talking about our decision and also prayed about it. Last September we made the switch. Everything was fine at first. Then slowly, over the past few months, I have begun to experience some very unpleasant side effects…
mainly it was my mood that changed.
It started with me having what we call the weepies. Then, there were little outbursts of agitation. Agitation turned into anger. The weepies turned into a lack of interest in my own life. Everything snowballed. The last few weeks I have been having mood swings that went from strong anger one minute to hating life the next. It has been a brutal few weeks. Even my coworkers have noticed.
I have also struggled with nausea. A little here and there is one thing. Although it started out that way, it went from the occasional bout of nausea to spending half of my day feeling nauseous. My eating slowly became irregular because I had a hard time stomaching regular meals. I cannot survive on crackers. Many times when I would eat, I would immediately have regrets as the nausea would quickly return. It was awful.
All of this led up to yesterday and a story of just how blessed I am.
I came home from working a little overtime because my husband had been ill and missed some work. All day at work I had been praying about how to approach my husband about the birth control. The last thing I wanted to do was to be demanding and disrespectful and just flat out say that I was stopping the pill whether he liked it or not. Although I understand that some women may feel that it was my body and therefore my right, there is just no reason to be a jerk. I would not want to be approached this way and I know he would not want to either.
We laid down for a nap because I had gotten up at 3:30 that morning. This was so good for me. He held me as I fell asleep and was holding me when I woke up. He knew that something had been bothering me, he had been putting up with my mood swings for months. When I woke up I started to tell him about how miserable I had been feeling and apologized for all of my horrible moods. He told me that he had noticed and to immediately stop the pill and that we would use a barrier method and I could do the NFP method as a back up.
I almost immediately felt a huge weight lift off of me. I was so emotional. I cried and just let all the tension go. It was very therapeutic. He was so understanding. I am blessed to have a husband who is genuinely concerned and wants what is best for me. God is good.
What would have happened if I would have approached him differently. What if I had gotten an attitude and been crabby, demanding or blamed him for the whole thing? The end result may have been the same, but what good would have been done to approach him that way? None. None at all.
So many times I think husbands and wives would respond so differently to each other if they were approached in a different way. I hear wives complain so often about the way their husbands respond and when you ask them what they said to him, their response is “Well I just told him how it was going to be!”…or something along those lines.
I understand what so many of them are saying. As in the example of the birth control situation yesterday. Yes, it is my body that was having to suffer through the effects of what the birth control was doing to it. Yes, it is true that the birth control did not have any side effects on my husband (besides dealing with me). And yes, I understand that there are some men that won’t take any responsibility in the birth control department. I know there are some men who refuse to help their wives out in this situation. I have heard countless women talk about this before and it is a truly awful situation and I did not know for sure how my husband was going to respond.
He could have said he wanted me to stay on the pill because we do not want to get pregnant yet and he did not want to deal with a barrier method. He could have told me to suck it up. This is not his normal character, but I had no idea how he would respond after all the stress I have been putting our family through the last couple months. None the less, nevertheless, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I approached him calmly and explained what was happening and how I was feeling.
I did not…
raise my voice, use a smart tone or assume he would react a certain way.
I gave him the information and listened to what he had to say. That is such a simple concept! Even though it is easy, sometimes we forget and get worked up before there is anything to get worked up about. We think about the stories of our friends, neighbors and coworkers and almost expect disaster. So then we go into the conversation with a defensive mind set. How could I expect him to respond in a gentle and loving manner when I approach him that way? The truth is I can’t. That would just be silly.
This morning I woke up without feeling nauseated. I was over the moon excited. I know it might take a bit for the pill to be out of my system. Still, just having the nausea gone this morning felt like such a blessing. I am looking forward to feeling like myself again.